Grocery Shopping: Why Rei Doesn't Do It
by LBx
Summary: Kai is fed up with the fact that he always does the grocery shopping, so he makes Rei come with him. This may be one trip Kai regrets . . . ReiKai, weirdness


Title: Grocery Shopping: Why Rei Doesn't Do It  
  
Part: 1/2  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
POV: Kai  
  
Warnings: Shounen ai, dirty-minded Rei, OOC-ness, weirdness and sap  
  
A/N: Um, hello! My hentai muse is being overly annoying, and prompted me to get this idea out of my head. I don't even think it's that good, truthfully. But, muses will be muses. And the weird part is, I wrote the end as a seperate fic, and then my mom took me grocery shopping that afternoon and more weird ideas popped into my head o.O I hate my muse ~glares at Soli~  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Kai, Rei or any of the products mentioned in this fic.  
  
Thanks to Kohaku Asakura for beta reading! And you did lots, so stop saying you did nothing! lol, and thanks for the help with the titling!  
  
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The first item on the list: vegetables. Which means we'll need to head to the produce section. I motion to Rei, who's hovering over a small child, chatting with the kid's mother. He grins when he sees me and bids them goodbye, walking up to where I stand with the cart.  
  
"Ready?"  
  
"Hn."  
  
I've been living with Rei for a while now and Rei hardly ever does the grocery shopping. So today, I dragged him along with me out of sheer annoyance by that fact. Big mistake.  
  
"Hey! Look at this, fresh strawberries!" Rei leans over the display, grinning from ear to ear. I raise an eyebrow as I scan over the fruit. "Mmm, and whip cream too," continues Rei. I half expect him to mention the angel food cake, but instead the Chinese man turns to me and winks. "Can we pick them up?"  
  
Like I said before, this was a big mistake.  
  
"No, we can not," I snap. "Besides, I hate whip cream, you know that."  
  
"You don't have to eat it," Rei crosses his arms and sends me a sly look, "you just have to wear it."  
  
I glare at the Chinese man, snatch up a bag of carrots and push past him. I hear him sigh, but his spirit hasn't been dampened yet.  
  
I shouldn't be surprised by that fact that Rei loves seafood. After all, cats like stuff like that, right? And being Rei is a neko-jin, I guess it'd make sense. And when he asked me what I like, well, it was an easy answer.  
  
"Shrimp."  
  
"Shrimp?" Rei makes a face. "Well, whatever you like, then." He presses his nose against one of the stand-up freezers, peeing inside. "What kind? There's a million varieties to chose from!"  
  
"The best kind is the Black Tiger Shrimp," I call from where I'm leaning over the cheese selections. Rei loves cheddar, but I'd rather mozzarella today . . .  
  
"Black Tiger?!" Rei's voice rises slightly, and I turn to see him staring at me sharply. "Black Tiger?" He repeats.  
  
"That's what I said, isn't it?" I narrow my eyes, wondering why he's acting so strange and go back to the cheese. Rei walks over and places his hands on my shoulders, his voice low when he speaks.  
  
"Do you prefer black over white, Kai?"  
  
I glare at him, tossing mozzarella cheese into our cart. "What the hell are you talking about, Rei? I've never heard of White Tiger Shr-" Oh. I once again glare at my partner, checking off cheese on the grocery list. "Don't twist around what I say," I mutter darkly. I hate when people do that. Especially when they initiated the conversation. But Rei's already forgotten the shrimp issue, wondering off down one of the aisles. Sighing, I follow him, only to find him lifting a jar, staring at the thick, amber substance. Amber, like his eyes . . . Okay, stopping that train of thought right there . . .  
  
"How about honey, then?" Rei asks as he hears me approach. "Or chocolate syrup?" He sets down one jar and grabs another. Gods, he's worse than a stupid kid! He doesn't just ask for everything he sees, but he has perverted uses for it in mind!  
  
"You are *not* covering me in any substance, Rei." I growl just a little too loudly. A nearby woman overhears and turns bright red, eyes as wide as dinner plates. Fighting down an embarrassed blush, I grab my teammate's hand and drag him out of the aisle and towards the frozen foods.  
  
And this is where the trouble really begins.  
  
I pause beside a cold chest, eyes running over the list, when all of a sudden I hear, "Mmm, this one looks good."  
  
Rei leans over my shoulder, grinning as he lets his gaze flicker over the colorful containers beside us. He points to an orange container, turning his amber-glazed eyes on me.  
  
"Kai, can we get the one called Tiger Stripes?"  
  
I glare sharply at him. "No. We don't need any of this, this, /stuff/ Rei."  
  
"It's ice cream, love," Rei chuckles softly, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head on my shoulder. "And it'd taste so good on you . . . " He begins licking my ear, but I push him away.  
  
"We're in public, Rei."  
  
My Chinese lover makes a face and leans against the side of the frozen food chest, crossing his arms over his chest. "Spoil sport."  
  
"Hn." I check the list in my hand to see if we've missed anything else we need. Nothing, except . . . "REI!" I think my face just turned a couple different shades of red. Why hadn't I seen that before? Probably because Rei scribbled it in on the lower, left-hand corner of the page . . . Gods, when did he become so sick-minded?  
  
Rei grins and shrugs, once more dipping over to look into the cold chest. "It's that or ice cream."  
  
"Rei," I growl, sending him a stern look. He glances back at me innocently before eagerly pointing to another container.  
  
"How about Chocolate Fudge? Or Mint Chocolate Chip? Or-"  
  
"Or nothing." I say, repeating my earlier opinion on this whole situation. "Now get your mind out of the gutter and lets go pay." Rei doesn't move, however, as I go to push the cart away. He's still staring at the ice cream like a child denied their favorite toy. Rolling my eyes in exasperation, I call out to him. "Rei, come on." No answer. "Rei . . . " Still no answer. "Damn it, Rei, just pick one and let's get out of here!"  
  
Rei has a huge grin plastered on his face as he lifts a container and plops it in our cart, leaning over to drop a kiss on my cheek. "Love you."  
  
I continue to glower at him, prompting him to laugh loudly.  
  
"What, you don't like French Vanilla?"  
  
Sometimes, I wonder why I put up with him . . .  
  
Then Rei leans over and kisses me on the lips, and I find myself pressed up against the cold chest's side. I grip Rei's shoulders as I nearly tumble into the freezer, my eyes sliding shut as I feel his tongue slipping into my mouth and all logical thought fleeing from my mind. Rei's purring softly, his hands possessive on my hips as our mouths dance to an unheard melody. Of course, we *are* in a grocery store and this is neither the time nor place for such acts . . .  
  
"Oh, Lord!!!!!"  
  
Blinking, I break away from Rei and look over his shoulder to see a terrified woman covering her child's eyes. I think I went red again, pushing Rei away and jumping to the floor. Gods, what was I thinking?! But that's the problem, I wasn't. The woman is still babbling as I roll the cart away, glaring at Rei as he walks beside me.  
  
"If you'd just listen to me . . . " I mumble, Rei chuckling in response.  
  
"Sorry, Kai. I know you have a reputation to uphold, and being seen performing such ungodly acts will ruin it-"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
All this for a damn container of ice cream. I don't even /like/ ice cream! It's sweet and sticky, and, arg!  
  
I snap at the woman checking out our groceries, telling her to hurry up so I can get out of here. She looks at me strangely but complies, glancing between Rei and I repeatedly. I refuse to look at my teammate, choosing instead to scowl as I watch as one by one our groceries are scanned. How could he humiliate me like that?! Or more importantly, why am I letting myself get humiliated?  
  
I thrust money into the cashier's hand and grab two bags, storming out of the store and hearing Rei trail behind me. Of course, I'm so enraged that I don't realize how close he is until he's grabbed my wrist, spinning me around to look at him.  
  
"I'm sorry," Rei says softly, dropping the bags he's carrying and embracing me. I stiffen, but feel my body turning to liquid as he runs his hands up and down my spine. I drop my bags and sigh, leaning into his warm body.  
  
"Don't *ever* embarrass me like that again," I threaten in a low tone, feeling his body shake with laughter.  
  
"I promise," Rei whispers, taking my hands and kissing me gently. Why do I always let myself get suckered into his crafty web? Although, there's nothing I could do about it. After all this time, I can't imagine not living with Rei by my side . . . even if he is annoying at times. Rei kisses the tips of my fingers, and I find myself drowning in his golden pools. "Let's go home."  
  
I nod, mentally kicking myself for being so weak. He really does have me wrapped around his finger. "Fine, but I am never *ever* taking you grocery shopping again!" I can't help but smirk as Rei laughs, looping an arm around my waist as we begin our walk home.  
  
~Owari~ 


End file.
